We need to talk: Connection Vs Clarity

It’s Saturday afternoon, girl has taken boy home to visit. John (so we don’t keep calling him boy) has been there a couple of times so Jane’s folks think it’s pretty serious. So as Jane is in the kitchen with mom, John is seated in the living room with Jane’s dad –not a very nice experience 🙂 After a long awkward silence, Jane’s dad asks him “what are your intentions with my daughter?”

John shrugs and responds “Oh, I don’t really have a plan right now,” then goes ahead to explain “it’s nothing serious, we’re just having fun”. Jane’s dad calls his daughter and goes “Baby, so John here tells me you guys are just having fun. That this (whatever this is ) is not serious”.

You can guess how this story ends –John gets dumped!  🙂 sorry I meant 😦

That is not a true story (thank God) but I needed it to illustrate my point. Seriously though, how many times do we girls find ourselves in this awkward place? You meet this guy, hit it off great, exchange phone numbers and begin to spend time together. He’s funny, great to be with and treats you really well. He takes you for coffee coffee date1every now and then. You’ve been hanging out for the last 6 months and you’ve enjoyed every bit of it! You like him and he seems to like you too.

Then one day your big bubble bursts. For some, he introduces you to his girlfriend and you feel like you’re going to die (OK, that’s extreme). For others, you discover he’s just having fun (like Jane in our story above) and was never interested in anything serious.

You can’t believe it. What about all those days you’ve spent together? He even took you to his sister’s wedding! Isn’t that supposed to mean something?

4 months after I met Drew (my husband –then he was just some guy), I realized I was beginning to really like him. We were working on a campus magazine together and attended the same BS (Bible Study) group –although he insists I joined his group because I liked him which I vehemently deny 🙂 What I mean to say is we were in each other’s space a lot! My heart began feeling things, nice things. At some point, I came across A girl’s guide to marrying well on www.boundless.org (you should check out this site!) and learnt about connection and clarity.

You can tell when you connect with someone. Your heart will always tell. But it is extremely important to have clarity, to be sure you two are on the same page. I cannot stress enough how much heartache this will save you.

So how do you get clarity? Ask! It’s simple as that.

There is no special formula or a book on “7 steps to get clarity”. If a guy is giving you all the signals that he’s interested in you but has not expressly said it, ask him. If you’re friends keep asking you “what’s up with you two? Are you dating?” then it’s time to talk.

Don’t agree to move forward based on assumptions. Let him clarify what it is he wants. If it’s friendship, that is OK. You will proceed knowing there is nothing more. If he wants to date/court you, let him come out and outrightly ask you out.

Don’t fear that you will get embarrassed. Even if you do, imagine how much worse you will feel many months later when you find out this guy had no intention of asking you out. Embarrassment should be the least of your concerns. There could be another guy really interested in asking you out but every time he sees you, you’re hanging out with someone who isn’t sure what he wants.

Any man worth his salt will not be offended when you ask for clarity. He will go ahead to explain his intentions because he respects your time and because he knows a lady should not be taken for a ride.

So, go ahead. Ask. Because you are worth it and you deserve to know.

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2 thoughts on “We need to talk: Connection Vs Clarity

  1. Thank you and you can say this again. May God give us the courage and wisdom to take up our stand.God bless you.

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