This post is motivated by the responses I have received on my previous post What’s in a name? First of all, let me say I’m extremely grateful and awfully humbled by your comments and questions. I’m terribly honored. It’s possible to write and have nobody read your work. I know my place-am where I am because of the people who read my blog.
Following the questions and comments I’ve received, there a few things I want to say. You may call them clarifications or points to note-whichever makes you happy 🙂 Here goes.
I cannot stress this enough. In my previous post I mentioned that changing my name is one way of showing my man that I’m willing to submit to his leadership. Let me say here that his is just the beginning. It shows my willingness to submit but is certainly doesn’t mean that I’ve conquered submission. It is not an end in itself; we could say it’s a means to an end. For instance, you can’t speak disrespectfully to your man, disregard his opinions and leadership, embarrass him in front of his friends, disrespect his parents and still think you’re submitting just because you changed a name! Submission goes a lot further than getting a new surname. It is a state of the heart, it is a decision only a wise woman makes because she understands her place. She knows that submitting does not mean she’s a lesser person but it’s appreciating God’s order ad way of doing things.
#2 Changing your name will not guarantee you a happy marriage
As a wife, I should not imagine that changing my name will automatically give me a happy marriage. Being called Mrs. Kihusa does not guarantee me a good marriage. It’s like trying to suggest that calling your child Solomon automatically means he will be a wise man. Naming your son after the wisest man who ever lived does not exempt you from doing your job as a parent. You have to teach, encourage, nurture and even discipline him. Then, by God’s help he may turn into the well grounded adult you want him to be. I digress. Point is, even with a new name, I still need to work on my marriage. I have to practice kindness, forgiveness, wisdom, careful speech and all other things that build a marriage.
#3 To change or not to change is a woman’s prerogative
I totally agree on this one. This is one of those things that has to come from your heart. When I decided to change mine, I thought through it first then went ahead and made my decision. Don’t do it out of pressure or any sort of coercion – not even pressure from people like me J Don’t do it out of obligation. Or duty. It’s something that you should do willing and joyfully. Then some day (even the bad days) you will look back knowing it was your decision and not anyone else’s decision.
Today I toast all married women out there for fighting the good fight and being a voice in our generation that says marriage works. Today I don’t celebrate you as mothers (I know you do a great job). Today I celebrate you as married women. For loving and standing with the man in your life through the good and the bad. For being his number 1 fan in his job or business. For dealing with in-laws with great patience and love-even when they get in your business 🙂 For holding together your home even with a full-time job and a house help who refuses to cooperate and does an amazing job of trying your patience 🙂
A toast to you ladies. The world is a better place because of you!
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