In my last post Never mind feelings,what are the Facts, I promised to discuss this question of finding “The One” – an issue that has our generation puzzled.
Our culture has embraced a rather absurd or may I say ridiculous notion that there is just one person who can complete us. This notion has been fueled by the media with movies and music all saying the same thing – there is someone out there just for you!
Let’s see where this reasoning came from:
According to Greek mythology, we humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. Because Zeus feared that the authority of the gods might be compromised by this race of beings, he decided to split each person in half, condemning us to spend the rest of our lives wandering until we find the half we were separated from—our lost soul mate!
Now you see why I said it’s absurd?
The fact that the media has picked on this notion makes it even harder for us to change our thinking. Every movie/song tells us that we will meet that one special person and live happily ever after. I’m convinced this notion is WRONG! I’ll tell you why…
One: This notion gives us the impression that once you find ‘the one’ everything will be perfect. There will be no fights, no disagreements…nothing but happiness and bliss.
With a mindset like this, we run from our relationships when the perfection we sought is not found and we are disappointed to find that the person we are with has faults. So you breakup with him/her thinking, ‘this is not the one, I have to find my soul mate –he/she is still out there’. And we destroy potentially great relationships to pursue an illusion. And we wonder why divorce rate is so high…
Two:This mindset is an extremely selfish one because it is based on your happiness. It seeks to say that the God of the entire universe created someone just for you-just to make you happy. Love is about giving more than receiving. The Bible says that:
Love is not selfish, love is kind, love is patient, it does not envy…: 1 Corinthians 13
There is no greater love than this; that a man lay down his life for a friend: John 15:13
People were not created just to make you happy. Contrary to what you may believe, the world does revolve around you 🙂
Three: So, who told you that you are perfect? Who are you to demand perfection? Sometimes I’m amazed at my husband’s love for me. I’m not perfect-far from it actually. He knows I’m not all that yet he loves me. Look at God;
God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us: Romans 5:8
Four: What happens to those people who lose their spouses? We’ve seen someone’s wife die and years later they find love again-someone who loves and takes care of their children. Does is now mean that they have 2 soul mates? Really?
There is nothing like Mr. or Ms. Right. There is no perfect choice, there are only good choices and bad choices. Find out what qualities are important to you and when you get someone who is a good choice, work at it! Learn to be Mr. Right or Ms. Right for the person you are with and stop moving from one relationship to another chasing a fantasy.
I’m not in any way advocating for you to stay in a bad relationship. Am sure you can tell when you have a good man or woman. What I’m saying is, instead of focusing on getting your soul mate, choose a sole mate and commit to them through thick and thin.