Never mind your FEELINGS. What are the FACTS?

I recently met an old friend on Facebook and in the process of “Hi, How are you doing…” I asked, ” anyone new in your life?”.

That was the beginning of a very interesting conversation.

He told me he had met this amazing girl but was not sure if she was ‘the one’. This is not my point of discussion today-I will talk about this really soon.

When I asked why he felt she was not ‘the one’, he said “Because I thought I would get that head over heels feeling. At times I feel like we just rhyme not anything out of the ordinary” My response is the subject of today’s post.

This post is not meant to underscore the place of feelings in life. Feelings are very important in relationships – that’s how you know you like someone from the start! Whenever they come around, your heart leaps (almost literally). Whenever you are together, the birds sing sweeter, the scenery is breathtaking and the breeze blows oh so gently. Been in love is so amazing!love

As time goes by and the relationship progresses, the good feelings don’t always come with you. I’m going to tell you the same thing I told my pal:

You can’t have that head over heels feeling every day. In this regard, how we feel is not a great way to assess or evaluate a relationship. Feeling great and over the moon doesn’t always signal a great man or woman. We have to look deeper than just how we feel.

I’ve been married for 10 months now. I love my man deeply but there are days I don’t feel that love feeling, sometimes he makes me angry. Because we are different, we don’t always agree. My opinion is not always the right one and it sucks to be wrong. We sometimes fight because he’s not perfect and neither am I.

But they’re things that are very important to me. Here is a list of why I know he is a good man and a great husband. These are just a few:

  1. He loves God – this is way up there on my list!
  2. He is smart and intelligent. As such, he is great company. We discuss any topic with ease. He challenges me even in IT which is my forte.
  3. He respects me. With him, I can have an opinion and a say over anything. I don’t have to agree with everything. I have a voice of my own.
  4. He respects my parents. He did not take me home in secret. He went home and made his intentions clear, paid dowry and committed to look after in the presence of my mother.
  5. He takes care of his responsibilities. I have a roof over my head, he pays bills (on time!). He even says that if ever I feel I want to be a stay at home mom, he is OK with it!
  6. He is faithful. He has eyes only for me 🙂
  7. He plans for the future. Is concerned about investing, owning a home etc…

Sure, feelings are great. But what is important to you.

Guys, you have a girlfriend/wife, ask yourself;love2

  1. Does she make you a better man?
  2. Does she respect you – alone and in the presence of your friends?
  3. Is she smart upstairs – can u hold an intelligent conversation with her?
  4. Is she interested in saving for a home instead of having the most expensive outfit/hairdo in town?
  5. Does the future look better when she is by your side?
  6. Does she build on your potential constantly challenging to be better (Girls – note I didn’t say trying to change him to suit you!)

At the end our conversation, my pal told me: “Thanks for that!!! I just texted her. You just made me realize that I was not looking at the main points….since I met her, my life is more fulfilling”

How about you…are you looking at the main points or are you relying on your feelings?


15 thoughts on “Never mind your FEELINGS. What are the FACTS?

  1. Thanks for bringing this out there. So many people are loosing out on an opportunity of experiencing true and meaningful relationships all in such of a fantasy. To me love is more of an action than a feeling, the kind of action that gets you out of your comfort zone and is done alot through self sacrifice.

  2. You are so on-point. I struggled with this for a while until I came by this truth. I wish I had just asked my grandfather earlier.The problem is that others in relationships make it look like they live in heaven (as concerns their r’ship) and visit the other to wonder just how others are managing theirs.

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