I know I have been MIA this week but I promise I have a good reason. I have had quite an eventful couple of days. Last Friday I spoke to a group of young people about leadership and the discipline of submission. I had an amazing time! Early this week I guest blogged for a great friend of mine. I was deeply honored to be a guest on her amazing blog. The post was called ‘Honey I don’t have a headache tonight’ and you can read it here.
Onto today’s post. Mark Gungor when speaking at Laugh Your way to a better marriage seminar gave this story. John – the guy who has written Men are from mars Women are from Venus had been married for a while to his wife Bonnie. Bonnie wanted John to take her to the opera. She asked him the first time and he said no. John thought the opera was boring and didn’t particularly like the idea of wearing a tux So she waited a few days and asked him a 2nd time and he still said no. When she asked the 3rd time, he finally gave in and he said yes. They dressed up real nice and John endured the mind-numbing session. On the way home, Bonnie was holding his hand all lit up. As soon as they got home, immediately the garage door closed, she grabbed him and made love to him right there in the car. Next morning John gets up early and calls the theater “Hey, I was wondering, how much are season tickets to the opera?”
We can learn a couple of things from this story. Do you want your man to do something for you, this Valentines and other days to come? Then he’s how to get him to do it.
Ask him directly-Don’t hint. We women love to hint. We see a nice dress and we go, “Baby, that dress is so pretty. I’m sure I’d look great in it” hoping he will buy it for us. Then he doesn’t and we sulk about it. It’s time to do things differently – after all, if you have been doing something in a certain way with no results, then its time re-evaluate and come up with a new way. Right? If you want that cute black dress, then ask him. Tell him “Honey, please buy me that dress. I think it’s beautiful and I’d love it” He may not be able to buy it right away but now he knows and he can plan for it. Make this a culture-if you want him to do something in the house, just ask. No more hinting. If he doesn’t do it, ask him again.
Ask him nicely – Be polite when asking. No insults. If he always leaves dishes on the table and you want him to take it to the sink, don’t go “You’re so untidy. How can a grown man not know how to take a dish to the sink? Huh. Weren’t you taught that when growing up?” Now that is just downright nasty. Do you really expect him to do what you asked after that? Of course he will resist. Even I wouldn’t do anything if someone talked to me like that. Don’t compare him to your friend’s man who is so neat. That won’t work either. Just ask nicely.
Train him with positive reinforcement – Reward him whenever he does something nice. There are many ways to appreciate him. Tell him what a nice husband he is, make him his favorite meal and as seen from John’s story above, sex is a great reward I don’t need to say more on that but I assure you it works..
Barter with him – Men love to negotiate. They are always doing it. When they’re working, they’re discussing and bargaining deals. It’s a language they understand. Look for something he would love to do and negotiate with him “If you do this for me, you can do that thing you’ve been wanting to do – I’ll even help you with it.”
This Valentine’s Day, don’t just sit and sulk at how clueless your man is and envy other women because their men are doing things for them. Come out and tell him nicely what you want. And when he does something good, appreciate him.
You can watch Mark Gungor’s seminar here. Happy Valentine’s Day!