We have Moved!

We've moved-01When I started this blog, I never imagined it would grow this big. I started writing as a hobby and slowly it has turned into something awesome. Because of my writing, I have met amazing people and interacted with people I wouldn’t otherwise know. I have even had the pleasure to speak to people on marriage and relationships.

This blog kept me going when I lost my baby. Regardless of how I’m feeling, happy or sad, I keep writing. I have found comfort in you my readers and for that I thank you.  And just like the tagline of this blog says, “Everyday, in every way I’m becoming better”. Indeed I am a better person than when I started writing.

I have big news today. Drum-rolls please. This news is too big for you to be seated, so, all rise. We are moving! We have been on this WordPress bed-sitter for quite some time but now we’re moving to a 4 bed roomed house. www.wanjirukihusa.com is our new home. It’s pretty and awfully spacious master en-suite :)

Join us in our new home. Drop your questions or comments on info@wanjirukihusa.com or wanjiru@wanjirukihusa.com . Thank you!

How to get your man to do exactly what you want

I know I have been MIA this week but I promise I have a good reason. I have had quite an eventful couple of days. Last Friday I spoke to a group of young people about leadership and the discipline of submission. I had an amazing time! Early this week I guest blogged for a great friend of mine. I was deeply honored to be a guest on her amazing blog. The post was called ‘Honey I don’t have a headache tonight’ and you can read it here.

valentines1Onto today’s post. Mark Gungor when speaking at Laugh Your way to a better marriage seminar gave this story. John – the guy who has written Men are from mars Women are from Venus had been married for a while to his wife Bonnie. Bonnie wanted John to take her to the opera. She asked him the first time and he said no. John thought the opera was boring and didn’t particularly like the idea of wearing a tux :) So she waited a few days and asked him a 2nd time and he still said no. When she asked the 3rd time, he finally gave in and he said yes.  They dressed up real nice and John endured the mind-numbing session. On the way home, Bonnie was holding his hand all lit up. As soon as they got home, immediately the garage door closed, she grabbed him and made love to him right there in the car. Next morning John gets up early and calls the theater “Hey, I was wondering, how much are season tickets to the opera?”

We can learn a couple of things from this story. Do you want your man to do something for you, this Valentines and other days to come? Then he’s how to get him to do it.

Ask him directly-Don’t hint. We women love to hint. We see a nice dress and we go, “Baby, that dress is so pretty. I’m sure I’d look great in it” hoping he will buy it for us. Then he doesn’t and we sulk about it. It’s time to do things differently – after all, if you have been doing something in a certain way with no results, then its time re-evaluate and come up with a new way. Right? If you want that cute black dress, then ask him. Tell him “Honey, please buy me that dress. I think it’s beautiful and I’d love it” He may not be able to buy it right away but now he knows and he can plan for it. Make this a culture-if you want him to do something in the house, just ask. No more hinting. If he doesn’t do it, ask him again.valentines3

Ask him nicely – Be polite when asking. No insults. If he always leaves dishes on the table and you want him to take it to the sink, don’t go “You’re so untidy. How can a grown man not know how to take a dish to the sink? Huh. Weren’t you taught that when growing up?” Now that is just downright nasty. Do you really expect him to do what you asked after that? Of course he will resist. Even I wouldn’t do anything if someone talked to me like that. Don’t compare him to your friend’s man who is so neat. That won’t work either. Just ask nicely.

Train him with positive reinforcement – Reward him whenever he does something nice. There are many ways to appreciate him. Tell him what a nice husband he is, make him his favorite meal and as seen from John’s story above, sex is a great reward :) I don’t need to say more on that but I assure you it works..

Barter with him – Men love to negotiate. They are always doing it. When they’re working, they’re discussing and bargaining deals. It’s a language they understand. Look for something he would love to do and negotiate with him “If you do this for me, you can do that thing you’ve been wanting to do – I’ll even help you with it.”valentines

This Valentine’s Day, don’t just sit and sulk at how clueless your man is and envy other women because their men are doing things for them. Come out and tell him nicely what you want. And when he does something good, appreciate him.

You can watch Mark Gungor’s seminar here. Happy Valentine’s Day!

How to help a grieving friend

I have received a lot of feedback on my previous post on things not to say to someone who is grieving. Some people admitted to being guilty of saying some of those hurtful things but promised to change because now they know better. Those who have lost loved ones agreed that indeed those are things they have been told and they didn’t like it.  Other people said they were stranded on what to do to make a friend who is grieving feel better. They asked, “What can I do to help?”, “what should I say?” Those are the people I want to answer today.

lossSilence is golden: For starters, let me say you don’t need to fill the room with words. Once in a while there will be an awkward silence, your friend will look sad and you will not know what to say.  You don’t have to speak endlessly. If you can, hold their hand, give them a hug. Truly, actions speak louder than words. I have a Bible study group with my closest married friends. The day I lost my baby, they came to the hospital as soon as they heard. They all came in, hugged me and cried with me. The most they said is how sorry they were. Then they held hands and prayed with me. I felt so loved and cared for.

Be honest – if you don’t know what they are going through, come out and say it. I don’t how you feel, I have not gone through something like this but I want to be here for you. How can I help?

Visit them – dropping by their house says so much more than a phone call. As much as loss3technology is a great advancement, it has really affected our relationships. We no longer visit people or meet for coffee. Instead, our communication revolves around Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all these other apps. Friendship is expensive, so pay the price. Call to find out when they are home and go visit your friend. They will appreciate your warmth.

Be a helpful guest – when you pay them a visit, don’t expect them to play perfect host. They might not be up to fixing dinner or lunch for you. When I came from the hospital, I was still quite unwell and still on medication. I could barely make tea leave alone prepare dinner for guests. One day Tim and Lo – our friends and neighbors came to check on us and they brought us dinner. Can you imagine how happy we felt?

Be tactful – be keen to notice when your friend doesn’t want to talk about what happened. In her book She shall be called woman, Adah Adoyo explains that retelling a loss story over and over vexes the spirit. If you want to know what happened, ask other close friends who may know.

loss1These are just some of the things you can do to help a friend who is grieving. I’m sure there are plenty more. Do what you can. Sacrifice in whichever way you can. If there is a funeral, go – even if it’s in upcountry. Listen. Just be there. Show Love!

Share and leave a comment. Have a splendid week :)